Aries Aries (21 March – 19 April)

With Mars, Venus, Jupiter Mercury, the Sun, and new moon all meeting in your tenth house of contentment and happiness, this month dear Aries for you it’s all about stability and equilibrium, you feel tired and need time to recharge, you deserve a rest. Your balance is low. Wanting to shoot the top-up woman in the face is only natural but she doesn’t have a face. Stop to take stock. Have a breather. Take time this month to reflect. Collect your thoughts and think outside the box.

Taurus Taurus (20 April – 20 May)

Dear Taurus, sometimes I wonder why I bother, your strong willed stubbornness will always disregard advice, but you still like to know people are thinking of you. Deep down however your confidence wavers, in regards to your organisation skills. As Dr. Rachel Miles once said “organised people just do a better job of seeming to be organised”. Your strong nature sometimes gets in the way of people seeing the real you. 2007 will be your year to open up to people and reveal your soft fondant centre.

Gemini Gemini (21 May – 20 June)

Dear Gemini five planets, including Saturn and Mercury, rise in congress this month, moving through your rusty star into your third house, in the divine-for-Cancer sign of Scorpio. An unlikely orgy sandwich you might think, but don’t worry yet. Gillett fusion mac 3, has the comfort of four blades but the precision of one. Your love forecast this month predicts blustery passion on a south westerly heading reaching force nine regret by late April. Liquid love is the answer. You know it makes sense.

Cancer Cancer (21 June – 22 July)

The Moon in your sign this coming weekend will help calm your worries and allow you to relax. This will be your month dear Cancer to let your hair down. You have earned it and deserve it after the inner turmoil you have recently been through. Swap the whys in your life to why nots, embrace debauchery in all its ugliness and splendour.

Leo Leo (23 July – 22 August)

The New Moon in Scorpio on May 29th will allow you to change in a positive way, but you’ll have to make some major adjustments to see results. The weekend will bring changes in your routine at home that will help to resolve issues that have been holding you back or causing problems. Ambitiousness and selfishness may be relatives but are not blood brothers; I know you are playing the long game but you can’t hold back any longer. Ignoring you dreams will not benefit anyone. Follow those dreams or the effect on those around you could be catastrophic.

Virgo Virgo (23 August – 22 September)

This month drama and tension will be all around you, but you will experience the more positive effects. Even clouds with silver lining may cause turbulence, the pallets are stacking up behind your fifth house, and in your sixth house, Ansley Harriot is cooking up a storm. Especially in your profession be sure to treat camp promises with oven gloves.

Libra Libra (23 Sept – 22 October)

Dear Libra I can even picture your wry smile, perceptiveness and determination are two of your best assets and you are well aware of this, but even you still like to be reassured sometime about your often caviller decisions. Ignore the accusations and instead focus on the positive message of Michael Jackson’s lyrics. A New Moon in Scorpio on 3 June will initiate a sense of renewal and hope for the future. Shacras lost due to counterfeit vodka, can easily be re-grown by eating grapefruits regularly.

Scorpio Scorpio (23 October – 21 November)

Your stars this May point to very practical solutions to very cosmic problems, yes that’s right the big Ds – diet and digestion. Do not let your occasional black moods get the better of you. If you do not have a euro style inspection shelf, produce your morning stool onto newspaper. Stick cotton buds, firmness permitting, centipede style all around. This may not improve digestion but later may make you laugh when you think about it.

Sagittarius Sagittarius (22 November – 21 December)

This month, more than ever you need to look to the stars for love inspiration, your unique sparkle has become tarnished by disappointment, rise above this. Venus next week moves into your own sign on Friday, which will heighten your magnetism and you’ll more consciously be able to relate. Use this to you advantage. Set your sights higher than a hole and a heart beat. Be direct and honest during June. Don’t resort to passive-aggressive behaviour.

Capricorn Capricorn (22 December – 19 January)

With Jupiter and Saturn in sync for most of 2007, you couldn’t be better positioned for a career breakthrough. Facing up to that free floating anxiety you experienced at the start of 2007 in many ways is your new years resolution resolved, see it as a lingering epiphany and you can turn this month on its head, you know what I’m talking about and you know that it’s only up from here.

Aquarius Aquarius (20 January – 18 February)

Realise that that sensitive and insecure part of you that you sometimes worry about is a part of everyone. You thought you had notes in your pocket but had to hoke through coppers and pick out a pube while and impatient queue formed behind you. This even happens to the stars once in a while. Look at grounding experiences positively. J Lo, used to have a little and now she’s got a lot but she’s still Jenny from the block.

Pisces Pisces (19 February – 20 March)

Pisces, your fluid flowing thinking has become polluted by out side influences. Do not let this stinkin’ thinkin’ stagnate your beautiful waters Pisces. The high rising of Jupiter tells me that there is no crab in crab sticks, this may be hard to come to terms with. Where does the redness come from? Be wary of provocative fish lips.